John

John had curly hair. Thick , black curly hair. Like all people with curly hair, his hair was short too. He was thin, dark and slightly build- at the verge of being called diminutive. He smelled of earth. His father was a sweeper in the factory and his mother took care of the goats and his house. His elder sister helped her. 

We studied in the same class from the 3rd standard to 12th. We weren't friends early on. we were just class mates . We grew fond of each other towards 8th standard , I think. 

John was remarkable in more ways than one. He had a tremendous sense of humour. And he could laugh at himself and his situation. He was,with out doubt, the most economically back ward student in that class which had wards of officers and General Managers of the same factory his father swept. But that never affected him. Also, economic disparity was never a criterion for friendship in his class. He had quite a few friends in school and was popular amongst teachers as well. 

His meal, which he brought to the school, consisted of lots of boiled brown rice, and pitiable patch of crushed red chillies mixed with oil. Some days he brought small fried dried fish, but that was rare. But he never hesitated to share nor was he ever consumed with complex, to sit with friends who bought 3-tier tiffin boxes filled with delicacies.

John was an average student to start with. But as years progressed, he had built up an enormous appetite to read. He had the burning desire to break mould. . 

We would spend long hours in the evening on the benches in the far corner of the railway station. We discussed anything from love,Future,Socialism, Life, Nature, Poetry. John graduated toTolstoy,Dostovskey,Tao and Vivekananda while we still struggled with James Hadley Chase. We discussed poems, mainly the Malayalam snippets which my father taught me; we just enjoyed each other's presence .

We did joint studies and helped each other. I was invited to their home during Easter and christmas when they actually spend on food. Mutton Stew, Appams, Beef ... He came over for Vishu and Onam.

He passed out of school with flying colours and went to college for Bachelors. After his Bachelors he wanted to go for Masters. After school I went for my engineering.He was still slightly built ,but with a six pack - he still used to work on the earth in the little area surrounding his house,planting plants ,tending goats. His eyes were sharp and sparkling.

But there was pressure from home front. As is the custom , the family had to dish out quite a nice sum for his sister's marriage and that ate into whatever savings the family had. His father was nearing retirement.The stretch on resources was putting an enormous strain on all of them.The tension was palpable. John had brief spats with his father. But then they always had that. John was educated and he was intelligent. John's father was a man of old school. Their thoughts clashed often. But it never flared.

He joined for his masters.

His life changed during the 1 st year of his PG. 

His friends had decided to make him contest for college elections. And he was thrilled. In the midst of all the activity and excitement in the college and the tension at home, something snapped inside him. During a normal but heated discussion amongst his colleagues,he transformed. He became loud, excitable and abusive. And then lapsed into silence. He had tremendous mood swings. After a couple of incidents he was referred to a psychiatrist and subsequently admitted to a mental asylum. And the slide started...

He was given strong medicines. He looked sedated. I had started with a small job by then. we met almost everyday in the hospital and we would talk. The hospital itself was depressing for me. The eerie silence , the overpowering smell of medicine, the dark corners.

His father had retired by now. Now the family was faced with a huge problem. There was no income but a steady expense in the form of medical expenses. and to make matters worse, John was the only hope of the family.He was eventually discharged after 2 months.

He gave up his studies and tried to get some work, because the pressure was telling at home.He took up a job in Mysore in some leather factory. All was fine for 6 months. But he became so depressed  by the conditions at the factory that he slipped for the 2nd time. It was back to medication and hospital.  

John became sluggish,His speech started to slur.He added a lot of weight -thanks to the inactivity. He frequently lapsed into periods of abusiveness.Whenever we met, though,he talked intelligently. He became animated and excited when we shared plans for future.He had moved his house to another place nearby. There were no railway lines nearby, but large areas of paddy fields. We spent a lot of time in the open fields talking.

John tried Ayurveda and Homeopathy,tried different hospitals and doctors. Took up odd jobs.But he always lapsed back. There were a lot of people to help him but he always lapsed back.Eventually, he gave up hope of a job and started a tuition center in his locality to help poor students .  I was busy building a family and life of my own.When I met him  for the" inauguration" of the tuition center,he was very heavy set ,with his form resembling that of a couch potato.He still had his curly hair.His eyes had the sparkle but there was a hint of hesitation as well. There was an air of hopelessness but he sounded confident and optimistic. The venture was more to occupy his time because the earnings were negligible.

 His mother's eyes brimmed with tears when I had a few moments with her alone. She was a proud women with a slender frame . She was helpless but she never intended to surrender.His normally vociferous father had turned grim and quiet. He seemed to have accepted the fate.

John spent most of his time sleeping, or trying to give tuition to his small students. It could have been the fear of what a mentally unstable man could teach their wards, but John gradually did not have students as well.Now he spent his time sleeping. He lost his penchant to talk to others, he spoke to himself. Only he understood him. He brooded, lost in his own world.He stopped being cheerful , maybe realising that there is nothing to be cheerful about.

We,his school friends,initiated an activity to raise funds for him and his family and after considerable networking, was ready to open an account for his family to transfer a minimum amount on a monthly basis.

The day before the call could be made to John's parents- because we were sure John would not like to take money - to get details for opening the account, John stepped out of his house, told his mother he was going for a walk, walked about 1.5 kms , reached the railway line and walked head on to an incoming train. 

His thick black curly hair was matted with blood ...